If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
