Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
