come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
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