We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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