Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
