He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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