The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
