New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
