First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
