I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
