Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
