I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize