So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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