So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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