On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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