Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
