i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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