It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
you inspire me to be a worse person
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
