I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
