is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
