Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
