Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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