I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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