margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
