Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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