i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
