I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
