Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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