Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need moral support for this bender
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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