I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
