you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
