People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
