His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
