I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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