I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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