My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i drank out of a bidet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
