There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
