After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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