I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
