forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
