I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
