Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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