you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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