Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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