My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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