We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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