Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fill condoms, not promises.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
