Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
