she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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