Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize