So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
