Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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