So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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