I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
