he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
