my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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