Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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