My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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