Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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