Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How external is "for external use only"?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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