I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
