True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
