took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
