we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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