she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
