Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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