When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
