New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
