I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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