Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
