Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize