i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
