i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
