I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
