Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
