he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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