he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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