So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I die, sorry about rent.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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