I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
