apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
