You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
