babies were throwing up all over the place
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Randomize
