ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
