I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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