Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
