she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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