Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
