I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
