FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
