I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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