...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
