Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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