There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
