I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
third nipple confirmed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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