Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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