A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
