The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
