You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
