I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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