so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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