he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
