We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
