its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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