girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
