It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
