I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
