Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize