I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
