is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
